ABOUT MJ BUCKMAN

Born in the 1960s, I grew up in a mediocre town and lived a mediocre life, desperate to be liked and yet often feeling an outsider. 

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Then I became a teenage "fag hag," a woman who spends a lot of time with gay men. This was the term my gay friends used to describe me. My life changed practically overnight; I was cool, I was trendy! I experimented with my appearance and also my identity, becoming a muse to my gay friends, who loved dressing me up and parading me as much as I loved being paraded!

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Moving to London to study speech therapy in the 1980s, I became immersed in gay culture which was thriving at the time, and I learnt about difference and tolerance, but also about pain and injustice.

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I stayed in London to pursue my career as a therapist, and then as a manager for disabled children's services. From there, I moved into community development and project management. I wrote professionally throughout my working life, and had a few articles published.

At the same time, I brought up two sons with my first husband and watched in wonderment as they matured into amazing young men. 

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No one knew about the struggles I had with my mental health. Being a fag hag had offered me the perfect opportunity to learn how to disguise myself, to hide behind a mask. So I created and hid behind another mask, presenting to the world a confident person, while inside I was often really struggling.

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In my fifties, I finally came clean about who I am, warts and all. I have mental health issues. I can't say I embrace them as they are sometimes very painful, but I accept them. 

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Now retired, I live with my soulmate on the south coast of England. We live a quiet life with our cool as anything cat and our anxious as anything little dog, and I finally have the time and head-space to write.

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I have always had LGBT+ friends, and my life has been richer because of that. 

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Always an ally. x 

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